Jesus said I love you like the Father loves me. What kind of love is that? It’s the John 3.16 for-God-so-loved-the-world kind. Steadfast. Intelligent. Determined. Always focused on the other and hoping for the best for him or her, no matter what, kind. Do you know that God loves each one of us like that? Nothing we can do, or not do, can make him stop loving us, or even love us less. That’s how Jesus loves you, Stefan and Tanya, and all of you and me.
Then Jesus says REMAIN in my love—ABIDE in it, SETTLE into it, LIVE in it, let it soak into your bones. How is this done? How do we remain in and enjoy the love of Jesus? Keep my commandments, he said. What’s the main one? LOVE one another. This is MY commandment, said Jesus.
How shall we love one another? Holy matrimony—marriage—is a good way, a special and delightful way designed by God in the very beginning—part of creation in the second chapter of the whole Bible. After all, as we have just heard:
It is God’s purpose that, as husband and wife give themselves to each other in love, they shall grow together and be united in that love, as Christ is united with his Church.
The union of man and woman in heart, body, and mind is intended for their mutual comfort and help, that they may know each other with delight and tenderness in acts of love.
God our Father, you have taught us through your Son that love is the fulfilling of the law. Grant to these your servants that loving one another they may continue in your love until their lives’ end; through Jesus Christ our Lord.
All of which sounds like remaining in the love of Jesus—the kind of love that makes a good marriage. So when I ask Tanya and Stefan if they will each give themselves to the other, the very first thing on the list of things they are promising each other is that they will love each other. They’ll promise it again in their vows. This love is not the the exciting, romantic love they’ve fallen in and that makes your mind go away. It is the kind of love St Paul is writing about as we heard Stefan’s grandfather, Herr Woith, read in German a few moments ago, and which Jesus says we are to remain. Love which is patient, kind, without envy, doesn’t boast, or behave arrogantly, is not rude, does not insist on its own way, is not irritable or resentful and without which we are really nothing but noisy, clanging, empty things.
Romantic love you can fall in and out of. Even in a good marriage. Warm fuzzies can cool with the rigors of parental sleep deprivation and life’s worries. But you can’t fall out of the love to which Jesus, St Paul and this marriage service refer. You can’t fall out of it, because you didn’t fall into it in the first place. You fell in love, then as you enjoyed that and got to know each other the Spirit of Jesus who loves you prompted you to realize this IS the one my soul loves (Song of Solomon 3.4) as it says on the first page of our leaflet, this is someone I’d like to give myself to completely, to love and to cherish for the rest of my life. This, with apologies to the dentists in the room (Tanya is a dentist—Ed.), is love with teeth. Love you choose to give. Love you then have to brush and floss and keep clean and healthy. Daily. Love which makes the smiles you share dazzling and white. Love to remain in. For the rest of your lives, no matter what, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, toilet seat up or down, messy or tidy, toothpaste tube all scrunched up or neatly rolled.
Stefan and Tanya I hope and pray you will accept the invitation Jesus has extended today and that you will choose to remain in His love. The best way of doing that is by going to Church. That’s his Body and his Bride. Think of him as a benign and Divine Hygienist. There he will feed your souls and your relationship and keep your smiles bright. There he will keep you as one flesh so that, LORD willing, on the 21st of July, 2068, you’ll celebrate your fiftieth wedding anniversary. Mark your calendars.
So love one another with all you’ve got. Live out and enjoy your married life together as you have begun it, in the presence of Jesus.
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